Dear Friends, stay away from men called BOB . Believe me, do, please do ...

It has been over one month that I was able to use my PC, thanks to ... BOB.
I have been such a fool, I know, I know ...

The disaster started on July 15 when my neighbor Bob ("The Computer Expert") and his wife Tina visited us.

We had some drinks and enjoyed a really good time together ... until Bob asked me if he could see my PC. I should have said "ABSOLUTELY N-O-T-!"
but I uttered "Absolutely, come with me ....". I-D-I-O-T.

"Ahhhh .... Vista ..." Bob sighed when I switched on my perfectly balanced Internet machine. "I have read a lot about Vista, Joe", he said, "not only the common stuff but also about the secret pulls and triggers".

"Huh ???" I replied (I-D-I-O-T !).
"Move aside", Bob said, " I will show you some cool Vista stuff".
I gave him control over my PC ... and the trap snapped.

Within 15 minutes, my PC crashed and would not boot anymore. "No problem Joe, Vista is rocket safe, I will pick up my training material at home and I'll be back in ten minutes" ... so he was ...

Bob has been busy for twelve days, hardly eating or drinking, no sleep at all but always making "good progress" whenever I asked him about his proceedings. "Any moment now, Joe, any moment ...".

Last Friday, August 15, anno domini 2008, at 19:03 PM my PC caught fire. Bob ran out off my study in panic and yelled "Police!, Police!!, Police!!!". I went upstairs and threw my precious, melting PC out of the window ... I looked for a weapon to kill Bob but only found his stupid manuals and surrendered ...

I have bought a new PC and started to rebuild it like its unique predecessor. I have told Bob that I will cut off his ears (and nose!) whenever he even mentions my PC, phone, TV or any other electrical equipment in my house; he silently agreed and left my house backwards.

Friends, I will be back soon, like before, stronger, $540 dollar poorer but hopefully smarter than one month ago.

Hugs & Kisses,
Joey

I have been looking at this picture for more than two hours ...

The following scenes crossed my mind:

"Daddy, where are you going ?? ..."
"John, get a shave ... PLEASE !"
"John, your boss called ... you are fired."
"Mister Ball, I told you not to forget your MEDICINES!"
"Darling, how was your day?".

Hugs & Kisses,
Joey

Back Home Again    What a trip, what an adventure ....

Where shall I start? With our rocket ? ... that huge monster with its unbelievable powerful engines?

With the suits we had to wear and the many hours we needed to get familiar with all the tools and instruments?
(left: Jack, right: me)

With our fellow crew members, people from all over the world, old and young?

We even had a hitchhiker in our group; fortunately, Security shot him twenty minutes before lift-off (!). One guy was extremely nervous and had to go to the bathroom just before we left. In his hurry to come back in time, he got lost and we left without him (he got his money back I have understood).

I still feel very shaken, even when I sit down and do nothing.
My wife seems to have four eyes and doggie looks very "spooky".

I also have big problems getting my hair in form ... but ...
!! WHO CARES !!! I HAVE BEEN TO THE MOON !!

Thanks so much, Jack! You are an amazing brother.
Joey.

NASA Headquarters, July 14, 2008 [by Philemon Fast, Go Ogle News]

Today I visited NASA Headquarters. If the two Dalton brothers are going to the moon, only ONE organization in the US is able to help them with that: the NASA .

I had an interesting talk with the twin brothers John and Jean Picard, Chiefs in Command NASA Moon Traveling [http://www.the-trip-of-your-life.com]

[PF]: "Are you preparing a moon mission with civilians aboard?"

John: "Anyone willing to pay our price can be launched to any planet/star/black-hole inside/outside this solar system .."
Jean: "Anyone willing to pay our price can be launched to any planet/star/black-hole inside/outside this solar system .."
John/Jean: "...and prices can be negotiated at any time .."

[PF]: "Do you know someone called Joe(y) or Jack Dalton, who would be willing to pay this price ?"

John: "No Comment; may I have their address(es)?."
Jean: "No Comment; may I have their address(es)?."

When I left the NASA territory I spotted a rocket in the distance. I succeeded in secretly shooting a picture of it.
There seems to be a small label attached to the fuel compartment saying "Little Joey Booster Rocket" ...

This was Philemon Fast [PF] of Go Ogle News.

Eureka, July 13, 2008 [by Philemon Fast, Go Ogle News]

The Dalton Family is a famous family in Kansas. The four Dalton brothers often were on the news because of the weird things that have happened to them. William Dalton has been a guest of Oprah Winfrey twice and stole the hearts of many elderly widows. Averell Dalton is the owner of the world famous restaurant empire "Chez Av.". Jack has won so many sport prices that he seems to have been on the sport channels for centuries.

Only the youngest Dalton, Joey, is rather unknown. Some of us know that end 2007 Joey claimed to have been kidnapped by aliens but clear evidence was lacking. Even the X-Files Team was flabbergasted.

A couple of days ago, this little Joey made a lot of fuzz in the world wide web by posting an article about "Going to the moon!". I visited his wife who allowed me to publish this article on mister Joey Dalton's web site. It seems that Joey and Jack left Eureka around 11:00 AM today, after having breakfast, lunch and dinner. The two brothers were spotted on an orange motorbike going north with an incredible speed.

Mrs. Dalton refused to give me any additonal information. "You are from Go Ogle News, so you should be able to find out yourself, boy.", she smiled at me and politely kicked me out-of her house.

I spoke with some villagers who had tried to spot the Dalton brothers on their illustrious journey.

No-one came with a reliable story. One thing is for sure, the two Dalton brothers are on their way to the moon, wherever that may be. To be continued.

Philemon Fast, Go Ogle News
http://www.go-ogle-news.usa

Early this morning I awoke by someone outside, yelling my name: "Hey Joey !, J-O-E-W-E-E, WAKE UP! WAKY-WAKY ... it is almost 6 AM, little brother, you have slept enough!".

It was my eldest brother, Jack, his motorbike parked in front of my house, his helmet swinging on a branch of the apple tree. I let him in, still drunk of sleep and dizzy of the beer I had drunk the evening before. "Mmmms..ingg" I mumbled and tried to keep one of my eyes open.

"You look like a wet newspaper, bro." Jack complimented me."Get dressed, I will make us some coffee".

After three cups of ridiculous strong black-tar-like-coffee my mind cleared-up. Jack had lit a cigar.
"I have read your last post, Joe, the one about 'Nothing', and I have been thinking: it's time to wake up that little brother of mine."

"Thanks Jack", I answered, "but 6 AM is an awfully bad time to wake someone up."
"I know bro, I know", Jack replied. A big blue balloon of smoke was hiding his face. "Some ambitious cop stopped me this morning and gave me a ticket for speeding. Cost me over one hour to make him cancel it, nice guy by the way, his grandfather and I were on the same boxing school."

I stared at my big brother, not knowing what to say. "Ok, I am awake, what now?" I asked and stood up to make us an exquisite Omelet.

A big smile appeared on Jacks face. "Think well, Joey, and tell me something that you have never done in your entire life but very much would like to do. THINK!"

I took my egg-hammer and thought for a while "... going to the moon !" I said, smiled back and smashed the eggs.

Jack clapped his hands and roared with laughter:

"Then, to the moon we will go!!"

My egg-hammer had become too hot and exploded in the pan.

<part-2 tomorrow>

Joey.

The last two, three weeks were extremely busy weeks for me. Don't let me bother you with the details; they are not important at all in the overall-master-plan of our Universe (as far as I know).

Today, I came home, like so many, uncountable days before, deadly exhausted and numbed by a tornado of stupid impressions. I fell down into my chair, took a couple of beers, came to my senses and started to think ...

"What the **** am I doing???"
"What is so important about this *^*&^&* ???"
"Another week/day/month has gone .... what did I learn .. how much did I enjoy this precious time I was given ??? ..."

I feel completely lost right now, floating in .... nothing/void/zip/nada/black-space ... I see Father Time grinning at me ... pointing at his watch and making awful noises. (**** You !)

I need another drink and want to sleep ... forever.

Joey.

"Joey, you are Our MAN!", my brothers greeted me the last couple of days while hitting me on my back.
"Joey, you are talking mucho-macho!", my beloved sisters-in-law told me over and over again.
"Show your Live Friends that there is also a sophisticated Joey, a gentle man, a man of the world who understands women by using his intuition, his Ying-Yang-Fung-Tsui, a man knowing how to win the respect of other men by using his intelligence and charisma instead of his fists and Grizzly-Kisser. Surprise us ...".

OK. You Are Right, Sisters.

Dear Friends, my topic of today is: "How to Make an Exquisite Omelet". Please follow my instructions carefully but feel free to experiment at your own risk.

First you need eggs; eggs are produced by chicken (the eggs that I eat, I mean). You can either rob a chicken (the left one is OK, the right one is NOT OK, it is DEAD) ...

... or you can buy eggs at the grocery. Carefully break the eggs with a special egg-hammer and drop the slimy stuff into a flat pan. PS: you cannot eat the hard stuff, throw it away!

Put the pan on the stove, add a big piece of butter and use a spoon (or the egg hammer) to stir the slimy stuff till it has got one color (normally yellow, depending on the quality of the eggs you bought).

Now you can use your imagination and enrich the omelet with extra ingredients. This is what I normally add: mushrooms (cut them if ladies are going to enjoy the food, otherwise leave them as they are), elephant-garlic, chili peppers, Tabasco and raw meat. Keep stirring this mixture and breath through your nose!

Once the smell is becoming nasty or the mixture cannot be stirred anymore, you are done. Surprise your guests with the finishing touch: put your Omelet on the table, sprinkle some bourbon onto it and light the liquor with a burning cigarette (no open fire!). Start talking about world politics ...

Enjoy your meal and success!
Joey.

My wife and I were enjoying our tenth Sunday morning coffee with Amaretto when the bell rang ...
When I opened the front door I spotted seven expensive looking cars, parked on my territory. A group of white dressed men was standing on my porch.

The man in front of the group introduced himself as "Sheikh Ali YouReallyDontWantToKnowWhoIAmBelieveMeDude". I recognized him at once as Oil Baron Omar Serif (8 dots, regular), but I played it cool and didn't show any emotion. "What can I do for you , Your 8-DOT Pixel Highness?" I answered.

"May we come into your house, dear White-Face-Joey, then I will explain everything?". I estimated the power of his body guard and decided that I could master them quite easily. "You are welcome ... " I smiled and opened the door.

When I entered my living room I heard that my wife was silently loading my "Grizzly Kisser" in the adjacent sleeping room. From that moment on, I felt absolutely confident.

"Your King of the Road, what can I do for You?" I asked politely. The white dressed man stared at my ceiling for ten seconds and looked at me without any expression. "Yesterday, I have read your story about the El Shampoo di Banjo Caravan and I have become very, no ... extremely interested in the details of this story ..." He did his best to force a smile and a I spotted a number of golden teeth's in his awful mouth.

"Your Golden Toothness", I replied, "What kind of information do you need?"
"Let me be direct", the badly smelling Sheikh replied. "Where did your beloved great-great-grandfather leave the caravan??? More explicitly: WHERE IS THE OPIUM?"

For a very short moment I considered that someone was trying to fool me with a practical joke. I quickly changed my mind when I saw that the bodyguards were moving their hands to their backs (guns probably). I got a stupid idea.

"Your Greediness, How could I refuse You this valuable information", I replied. "Of course you are entitled to know where my grand-grand-grand-father left this miserable caravan by ordering a private taxi ... He left very clear instructions in his testimony, instructions written by El Shampoo himself, carved with a blunt knife on his sun-burned, wrinkled belly: <'follow the Green Sun after the third Moon of Ka and go left whenever you spot a living being. Dig a hole at the middle of the three dead coconut trees. If you get lost (can happen to the best of us, tell me, these bloody TOM-TOM's stopped working after so many centuries, stupid computers!), please ask the way to Awfully Addicted Ahmet, or one of his children, nieces, nephews or neigbors, they all know where we have hidden the priceless stuff before we hired a touring car -with toilet- to bring us home.>".

The Sheikh stood-up, dropped a bundle of money on my table and left. No words, no thank-you, only a cloud of dust when the Mercedes cars drove off my proprietary.

My wife entered the living room, the "Grizzly Kisser" hanging loosely around her delicate shoulders. "Relax Darling",  I said,  "... they left ..." .

Bye, Bye Sheik; go left whenever you spot a living being and follow the Green Sun after the Third Moon of Ka.
Joey.

قديم والقصة العربية الشهيرة. (An old and famous Arabic Story).

كان ينبغي ان يكون في رحلة عادية ، رحلة المحرز حتى مرات عديدة من قبل دون اي مشكلة... الجمال كانت محملة بضائع باهظه الثمن (الافيون) والسائقين وكانت في وضع جيد المزاج (سكارى). (It should have been a normal journey, a journey made so many times before without any problem ...
The camels were loaded with expensive merchandise (opium) and the drivers were in a good mood (high).

والمشكلة بدأت عندما فجاه جميع توم توم - الملاحون توفي في وقت سأم... وجدت اي اشارة&... وكانت الرسالة الوحيدة التي تم عرضها على تصفح الصكوك. اين نحن؟؟؟ بدأ الناس يصيح. (The problem started suddenly when all TOM-TOM navigators died at the same time ...
"No Signal Found" ... was the only message that was displayed on the navigation instruments.
"Where are we ???" people started to yell).

والمشكلة بدأت عندما فجاه جميع توم توم - الملاحون توفي في وقت سأم... وجدت اي اشارة... وكانت الرسالة الوحيدة التي تم عرضها على تصفح الصكوك. اين نحن؟؟؟ بدأ الناس يصيح. ("WE ARE IN A DESSERT !!!"  the old group leader El Shampoo Di Banjo cried and he sank down in the hot sand. "WE ARE DOOMED TO DIE HERE !!!")

Babace ، babace ، rahat! الحكيم ابن سائق positivo ، وقال لرجل يبلغ من العمر hyperventilating.("Babace, Babace, rahat!" the wise driver Ibn Prosac Positivo, said to the hyperventilating old man.)

 

ورأى الجمال شيء رهيب كان على خطأ وانهم جميعا رفضوا الذهاب أي مزيد... (The camels felt something was terribly wrong and they all refused to go any further...)

في هذه الاثناء ، جذابا جدا وراءعه من سائق كنساس (الولايات المتحدة) ، ودعا الى ;وجها أبيض - جو ، وكان يدرس كيفية ايجاد حل لهذه المشكلة الخطيره. (In the mean time, a very attractive and brilliant driver from Kansas (USA), called "White-Face-Joe", was pondering how to find a solution to this critical problem.)

كيف لي أن هذه الليلة في البيت مع الزوجه بلدي النهب... وكان التمتمه... ("How can I be at home tonight with my ravishing wife ...." he was mumbling ...)

... والحريم مع بلدي ، hmmmmm........... (" ... and with my harem, ..... hmmmmm ......")

واتخذ له سائق كانساس الهاتف المحمول وأمرت سيارة اجرة على انتقاء عنها. (And the Kansas driver took his mobile phone and ordered a taxi to pick him up.)

وتزوج له (ق) ورحب به مثل لم يحدث من قبل ، وقال انه لا ينام لمدة ثلاثة اسابيع. (And his wive(s) welcomed him like never before, and he didn't sleep for three weeks.)

Joey

Suppose that GOD exists and is caring about You and Me ...
Suppose that Death is only the end of one tiny phase in your eternal life ...
Suppose that You and I are here on Earth to grow and to learn ...
Suppose that GOD is PURE LOVE ...
Suppose that You would be absolutely convinced about these statements ...

How would that change your life .... ???
It sounds like a fairy-tale but, deep in my heart, I believe this all is true, despite what the world and my logical mind is telling me. My heart says "BELIEVE ... FEEL!" and I decided to follow it ...

Let's become children again but keep our wisdom and experience to guide and love them ... let us grow ... !
Hugs & Kisses,
Joey.

This month has been so extremely hot in Kansas. Hot, windy and awfully humid.
Today it is the same story. The sun burning without mercy, thunder and lightning in the distance and every now and then strange violent winds. I am doing NOTHING, just sitting on my porch and trying not to move, not to blink or to breath. My (very sexy, muscular) belly is so hot that you could fry an egg on it.

The whole day I am only drinking cold drinks and eating Italian ice cream.

I seriously considered to go to "a sea" or to "a swimming pool" but I am too hot, much too drunk and very much too lazy to come out of my chair for the rest of the week.

Can you imagine that my wife is SUN BATHING?? Her skin must have a kind of alien krypton structure to feel comfortable in these UV bombardments.

The puppies are playing and peeing in a plastic mini pool and seem to be very happy too. One of the two is missing, I think (since ... yesterday??), but I am too tired to lift my head to look for him/her.

I don't like the heat but I fear the wind. The wind can be very treacherous and suddenly become a destructive tornado between two slow swallows of ice-cold Johnie Walker.

The sky is becoming lead gray in the east, I don't like it at all.

Joey.

I am sitting on my porch ... feeling OK again after such long, troubled times. The doctor left a couple of hours ago ... the sun is burning on my skin and the air smells like summer ...

I can hardly keep my eyes open, they are so heavy ... my mind is in a kind of "hibernate" position ... I am smiling and listening and completely integrated with my environment ...
I hear a bird, open my left eye and see a black little fellow with a yellow beak; I wink to him; he seems to understand and makes somes funny moves with his wings. I close my eyes again ...

I hear my wife singing in the kitchen and I feel so a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y, f-a-n-t-i-s-t-i-c-a-l-l-y RICH. I thank GOD and close my eyes again ...

I see my parents and my brothers when I was a child, six, seven years old ... at most. "Hello Mummy, Hello Daddy, you look so young and happy, what has happened over all those years???", I whisper. I cannot help starting to cry ... silently, peacefully ... and I fall asleep again ...

My wife kisses me softly on my lips and wipes the tears from my face ... no words, no sounds, only smiling and touching, tenderly, magically ... and the birds keep twittering in my ears, the wind carefully touches my face and GOD embraces us and winks at me ...

Joey.

My Beloved Friend Beth asked me recently if my barber tells me jokes.
NO, Sweet Beth, NO, absolutely not. ("Au contraire", the French people would say ... I think).

First, I don't have one barber but a group of barbers, brothers/nephews/clones probably. They all look alike, smell the same and they all speak the same typical barber language. ("Hello Hairy Customer, nice weather isn't it, same treatment as last time??" (while outside Mother Earth is trying to drown all inhabitants of Kansas with terrible rain storms.).

My barbers still use the old fashioned barber tools but can be very creative using them.

I like them because they are so terribly predictable. "Oh, your hair looks a little bit stressed, Mister DolTom (...). What about a special Hair Revival Boost Potion? It is a great success in the UK."

"Your mustache could use an Oprah Winfrey Wonder-Lift!, Mister DolTom, this week $58 dollars only!! ... and you have a chance to win a free studio place in Doctor Phill's TV Series The Psycho Show".