“….. who am I …. ???”

“…. what happened …. ???”

“…. where are S. and C. ???” …

“… what time is it? … what DATE????…”

The last thing I remember is drinking a fruit cocktail mixed by my dear brother Averell. Where is he; is he still living; is he still my brother?
A group of penguins (?), doctors (?), ghosts (?)  have gathered around my bed (bed?); they look very happy and kiss each other …. why?

I want to be at home, I want to embrace my beloved wife, hold her.

You will have to wait, Dear Friends, till I arrive at my next destination, apologies, apologies.
Hugs and Kisses,

Joey

… I dream and dream … soaking in sweat … restless … anxious … breathing hard, shouting and snoring in my sleep and making wild gestures … chasing ghosts and night monsters …

… and GOD touches my face .. touches MY face (?!) … and I fall asleep … dreaming gentle dreams … and GOD smiles upon me, strikes my grey hair and I whisper “... Hi Daddy, how are you doing, man?” and I embrace my father, my eyes full of tears, I hold him so tight, shivering and shaking, until he starts to laugh, gently removes my arms and says to me: “Don't take things too serious in life, son, enjoy and flow with the river, flow, flow, love and smile, love and smile …” I will be watching upon you, son, … I promise, I see you later, much later … listen to the music, open your eyes, drop that weight from your shoulders and enjoy, enjoy … enjoy …” and he strikes my hair and I fall asleep …

Hugs and Kisses,
Joey

Dear Friends, I just returned from an amazing and absolutely thrilling holidays … in my back yard … only me and my wife, some brave birds and squirrels, no-one/nothing else … nice neighbors … wonderful house …sun …. sun ... rain …. excellent fridge filled with the stuff we like and a BBQ that never fails to work. Thank Thou, Lord!

To be honest with you, I was exhausted, I had no more energy left in my batteries;  I needed a lot of time to recharge them.
While recharging I spent a lot of time thinking about …. well, you know, daily thingies …. common thingies … but especially … about time …. tick … tick.. tick… another second of YOUR/MY LIFE! GONE!@ … (what did I do??) …

Time seems to be so insignificant when you are young, but, believe me children, time is a silent killer, time is the untouchable assassin griming at you while you feel confident, and sharpening his knife while you feel untouchable  …

I have spent many years of my life working for companies/organizations/groups, often “consuming time” and keeping my mouth shut while I was full of anger, tolerating the stupid behavior and decisions of so-called “upper management”.  Why? Because I needed the money to feed my family.

Nowadays, having no more obligations, I am free and I keep training my brain to free itself from these ridiculous, acquired attitudes of obeying and accepting unacceptable things.

Let me interrupt this blog with a direct question to you: “What would you be willing to pay for an extra year of living?”
Think about it .

OK, now think about the following question:  How much time did you spend during your life for the benefit of someone/something else?

How much money represents your last answer? Use a calculator, if needed …

My conclusion is that we (“I”) have been much too kind/tolerate to stupidity and macho behavior, afraid to loose money.
The Earth is being raped, the weather is changing in an alarming pace, the World “Leaders” are tangled in futile issues and we are nearing the moment of total world melt-down. Most likely you and I will survive, okay, but the next generation, our children and grand-children, will encounter extreme problems, environmental disasters, terrifying wars, terrorist attacks and millions of people dying of hunger …
I am not a pessimist … but please, just look at the facts … what have we been doing? … what are we doing and when … when?? will we come to our senses?

Joey.

PS: Most likely some idiot, sorry, “educated spirit”, will react by saying that “… things are not so bad as Mister Dalton exposes them ..”
Please … use your common senses … use the Internet, visit your local bookshop/library or ask Mister Obama, but get some solid facts … as long as this is possible …

It’s summertime ! Enjoy, relax, love each other, be careful and don’t forget me

View Full Album

Hugs and Kisses,
Joey

Yesterday evening, lying on bed, drowsy from sleep and exhaustion, I watched the best movie ever made: “Sin City”. I don’t remember how many times I have seen this wonderful masterpiece. I know every dialog by heart … and every time I see this movie again, my mind quickly slips into another dimension, silently integrating in this amazing world. I am Marv … I can fly … I am a man of steel and have no fear.

Somewhere in the distance my friend Bruce, sorry, Hartigan is trying to save the life of Jessica –Nancy Halligan.  Benicio del Toro is “Jackie Boy”, the most hilarious criminal I have ever seen. Devon Aoiki is a wonderful oriental killer and Rosario Dawson plays a very impressive women gang leader.

I fell asleep before the movie ended … my mind still dwelling in this fascinating black&white&red world … I dreamt restless dreams, sinful dreams … and woke up exhausted and disoriented, not knowing where I was … who I was …

Don’t forget when you are going to rent a movie: Sin City …

Hugs and Kisses,
Joey

Yesterday was a chaotic day. The phone rang early in the afternoon, “Hello sir, I am from the Kansas City Hospital, are you mister Joey Dalton, brother of Jack Dalton?” My heart accelerated and my vision blurred … “Yes, that’s me, what’s the matter with Jack?”. ”Nothing serious mister Dalton, but you better come to the hospital right away … your brother needs you”.

I don’t know how I succeeded in getting at the hospital unharmed … after ignoring all traffic lights and making many suicide short cuts. I even shaved while driving.

Jack was nursed on the seventh floor, I took the stairways, not wanting to loose time waiting for the elevators.

Looking for Jack, a friendly nurse took me with my arm, pushed an oxygen mask over my head and made me sit down.
”Relax mister Dalton, your head looks like a huge pomegranate and we don’t want it to explode, do we?”
After some time I came to my senses. “Where is Jack???” I shouted. At the same moment my brother Averell arrived … laughing like a mad man, tears running all over his face. “Hi, bro”, he managed to say, “… did you see Master Jack? Listen … relax and enjoy …”

The story of Master Jack

Jack was a bit restless the latest months. “I am getting old … my bones hurt and I feel stiff like a wooden plank” he often complained.
”You are in the best of your years, darling”, his wife Cathrine said, “… do something about it!”.
Jack did.

The same day he downloaded a computer-aided Yoga training, turned on the volume of his PC speakers and started to do some basic Yoga exercises.

Now, Cathrine had to do some shopping and arrived home late that afternoon. As soon as she entered the house she heard heartbreaking moaning and yelling. She found Jack in an awkward position.

How hard they tried, they were not able to untangle Jack’s limbs. Cathrine decided to dial 911 …
According to the doctors Jack will be ok in one or two weeks, his muscles need to relax and that may take a lot of time.

I have bought Jack a nice souvenir, so he will always remember his first computer-aided Yoga experience:

Hugs and Kisses ,
Joey

I did it again, I know, I know … “mea culpa, mea maxima culpa”, I will never do it again … this week … promise! I will never again write bad things about bad dead people … this week … may they rest in bad company! Period.

Today I am positive, energetic, full of … -MACHO-ZEN- … so … Time for the Ladies …

Compared with men, women are Sensitive, Smart, Handsome, Attractive, Funny, Good-Smelling … and … so PURE.
I have written this many, many times before, but I want to confess (again) that I adore women, young, old, rich, poor, ugly and beautiful.

Women are so mysterious and compelling, I can drown in their eyes.

 

For so many, many years, and even nowadays (I am over 84 years old!),  I am truly convinced that Women are able to read men’s minds …. no kidding, they are (period).

I know what you are thinking, man, believe me … I know that this is both scaring and comforting, I know … but, Hey Dude!, you can trust them blindly … believe me … I know … Relax, Bro and Enjoy Life.

For Ever your servant, Ladies,

Joey

I couple of days ago I told you that I have never met Michael Jackson. I lied, apologizes, apologizes.
I have met this ambitious fellow many times while I was performing in the US with the (late) John Turbo Band (God have mercy with his drunken soul!).

After my rather negative, even rude blog about Michael Jackson, I started to regret my negative attitude. I explored my dusty photo albums and found some interesting pictures. Please join me and let’s revive the splendor of this promising ex-talent …

Above:  this is a unique picture of Michael the first time he visited his pro-deo, plastic surgeon, his face completely covered in clay.
Note the remarkable nose!

Above: This seems to be the picture Michael gave to this plastic surgeon, saying: “I want to look like him!”

Above: I forgot who this Lady is, but I remember that she kept on talking about Michael during a special NBC edition on June 13, 2007. (Even when the camera’s were switched off and everyone had left the studios .. she kept on twittering … for the whole weekend … I heard).

Above: This is a unique self-portrait of Michael hanging in one of his Children Guest Chambers … (at this moment being offered for sail on E-bay by  J.Jackson …)

I made this picture when Michael visited me at home asking if I had any nephews interested in being VIP Guests on Never-Again-Land.

This is “Eric Baldy” (don’t know his real name); he has stalked Michael for over fifteen years, daily opening his post and milk bottles and peeing in his front garden; I like him very much. Yo, Baldy!

Above: This unique (enlarged!) picture shows the computer virus that killed Michael while he was browsing the Internet, Googling on the index terms “young nephews”. The virus seems to have been developed and launched by the CIA aiming to eliminate “all kinds of suspect pedophile predators”

Sigh …. what a loss … poor Michael … The King is dead, Long Live a New King of Pop! (Who volunteers ??)

Now, let’s end with some  POSITIVE news before I close this rather negative blog.
I heard from very, very reliable sources that the Jackson family will try to organize the planned and cancelled London performances of dead Michael.  Yippee!

The coffin of Michael will be placed in the middle of the stage (cooled of course), the embalmed body of Michael will only be visible to the first hundred of special audience rows (and, much less clear, on the huge flat screens hanging all over the MJ Pop Park).

Mama and Papa Jackson will open this Festival; they are currently practicing crying as loud and genuine as possible; let’s give them a big hand when they enter the stage and start their act! American Idols are never too young too start!

The ticket prices will vary from one hundred dollars (really bad places), till one thousand dollars (per hour). I heard that Baldy will be the host of this unique performance. During the commercials, The Jackson family will do some silly songs and children dances!

Watch DaltonCrest for more details to come!

Joey (washing his hands … and mouth … again …)

A Goldie, yes it is, but … please … just listen, watch, relax and re-think your daily sorrows … it’s all up to you … !

Hugs and Kisses ,
Joey

Part 16 of the "Legends of After-Earth

Quick reminder:
I forgot … I forgot … I FORGOT !!

Hi … relax … I am here … relax … I know you better than you will ever know yourself  … I dreamt you … not dreamt about you …. just dreamt  … YOU …, made you up, so to speak, just for fun … just kidding, nothing better to do … you are exactly what I intended you to be …
I am the Guardian Of the Desolate, Desperate ,Evil, Sneaky and Sacred ones, but you may call me  ”GODDESS”.
You are cute, Joey,one of my better inventions … let me dream you another couple of mortal days … I am so bored … so …. sleepy …

 

Be gentle to me … my mind is capricious and willing to go any way it likes … especially away from boring creatures … keep running, Joey, keep running, surprise me … keep me hooked …

Yours Sincerely.

Goddess.

Part 15 of the "Legends of After-Earth

Quick reminder:
Everyone is confused or insane, a couple of utterly unimportant characters have died, being slaughtered or blown-up by an A-Bomb, some folks are still alive and doing weird things. Joey is speeding to an unknown destination …

Listen to my Sad Story, listen and have mercy with me … please. I was cruel, oh yes, I was, but I have been punished for this severely for a too long time now. I cannot even trust my memory any more, so much time has passed, so many people I saw  coming and dying … and coming …

I was born a daughter of a Black-Smith and a Voodoo-mistress. My family was poor and we often suffered from hunger during the long icy winters.

When I became older, I noticed that I got a lot of attention from all men in the village, young boys, fathers and grand-pa’s. The older I got, the more presents were brought to my house. Men were posting under my bedroom window, playing exotic instruments and singing with weird tongues. They even had (deadly) duels to win my attention …

My parents were happy with the presents but constantly warned me: “Daughter, wait till you will find the Real One. You are very, very beautiful but so young, enjoy the attention, be nice to these men but … listen to your heart”

I didn’t.

When I became 17 years old, all guest houses in the village were full of strangers, coming from all parts of the world.
I think that I never have felt happier than in that year. I got exquisite presents, perfumes, exotic clothes, gold and uranium, magic potions and touching things like the centuries-old family bible …

Ohh ..., I wish I could redo that wonderful year, having the experience I now have … I was such an innocent child, so pure and so ….greedy …

I don’t know why, but from one day to another I started insulting men coming to please me. Many of them left me, crying bitter tears. I heard later that a couple of them took their lives just outside the village boundaries.

… He was such a cute boy with burning, black eyes and poorly dressed. “Please, Princess, take this red rose as token of my eternal love for you … I started to blush because I liked him but without any reason I toke the rose, threw it aside and said with a disrespectful tone “Is that all you have for me, boy?” I remember that when saying this cruel thing, my spirit was floating high above me … witnessing my madness …

“Very well, Lady”, the boy said with a broken voice. “"People are right, you are the Hottest Woman that ever Lived on Earth.
You deserve to live the rest of your live as Hot Flame. You will live as long as men will live and you will die when the last man on this Earth will die.” He made a bow and silently left me.

I remember that I wanted to cry and to call him to make my apologizes but it already was too late. My body transformed into a burning torch, a hot flame devastating everything it encountered …

I live in caves right now, deep in the Evil Gardens of Jackson Neverland. Wherever I go, I start flaming forest fires … every time I meet a human being, by accident, people start to scream or even die instantly … I feel so lonely … so old … so ugly … so … terribly …  At night, when I lie down, trying to catch some sleep, I remember Him …. the Prince of my Dreams …. he was so Cool … so Incredibly Cool .. he even dared to kiss me in all my burning terror and .. he smiled … he smiled, that darling … and touched my glowing hair. I am crying right now but my tears are instantaneously turning into steam.

“Cool Joey … I dream about you … every night and day … where have you gone, darling  ? Come to me! I am loosing my burning mind!!!!!

Joey

I know that I most likely will insult a number of you by posting this article. Sorry Ladies, but I insist to be honest to you and share my thoughts and feelings, however ugly or distorted they might be; please, tell me when I was rude or wrong or even insane.

The whole world knows that  this week Michael Jackson died, late at night  while he listened to his latest songs, songs to be performed in Middle-Ages England (Europe) in Former-Business centre London, late summer 2009.  Even UK queen Marie-Antoinette seems to have bought a ticket on the Black Market.

After Michael’s death, his private doctor, “Malcolm X”, (temporarily hiding for the FBI/CIA/Interpol/El-Jahzara/Mahmud AHMADI-NEJAD) unofficially declared in a CBS-911 interview, that Michael died of Pure Shock and Horror while listening to his latest pre-recorded London try-outs.
“Even experimental reanimations, playing Beethoven's Nine-th Symphony on maximum Dolby Surround volume, were not able to get Michael out-of his audio-coma”, the doctor declared in the same interview.

Upon the question “What impact had the music on you?”, the doctor instantaneously got a severe attack of  Swine Flu; he is still in coma and being treated  somewhere  in a secret Military hospital in Texas, USA.

Now, to be honest to all of you, I have never met Michael Jackson, never liked his irritating music, never liked his pompous performances, his childish dancing-steps (“look mommy, no hands!”) , his way of living on Never-Again land and the way he treated his so-called wife(s) and child(ren).

To be honest, I think that whenever this guy would have become one of my neighbors I would have drilled my family, over and over again,  to keep a very-very-very safe distance from this weirdo and to call me directly whenever he was in visible range.

By the Way, the same is true for that other unofficial Queen of Pop (did she already claim this title ???), Britney Lunatic Spears … even typing or re-reading her name triggers an allergic reaction to my body. I need a shower … maybe two …

What then is bothering you ??? I hear you say …

THIS!

 
I hope that Allah will be with the Pure-of-Hearts, the Honest-Ones, the Gentle-Ones … Inshallah

Joey

Breaking News: 
The life of Michael Jackson is currently being recorded by @Disney Studios and will be released in 2010 as a special Christmas Edition of “Law&Order, Criminal Intent”, starring Denzel Washington as (young) Michael Jackson and Doctor P(h)ill as Mad Doctor Malcolm X.

Part 14 of the "Legends of After-Earth

Quick reminder:
Everyone is confused or insane, a couple of utterly unimportant characters have died, being slaughtered or blown-up by an A-Bomb, some folks are still alive and doing weird things, things even the writer of “The Legends” does not understand.

In the background, Joey is running …

What Time is it??? Hurry up, old fool, no moment to loose …. What Time do you think it is …guess ??? … too late probably, …. keep on running, grandpa, you can sleep later this week/month/year … hurry! That killing pain in your chest is just because you are TOO FAT! … Go!

And Joey accelerates and uses his Inherited Family Talents … burning fat and calories faster than any O-Phra diet can ever accomplish … The Universe seems to have come to a complete stop, watching this weird old, bearded man racing like an experimental North-Korean missile …. into … oblivion …(?)

(to be continued)

[Joeys incredible powers were sponsored by Arnold Swarthy-Egghead Unlimited]

Maybe because I was born as a curious and adventurous child, I recently became intrigued by the world of Facebook.
In a weak moment, I decided to join this “Unique Social Network” and opened my private account …

My expectations were high and … completely wrong,
I expected web pages with “faces” of people wanting to become popular, famous, or, “being noticed” because of their special talents.
Old fool … after a couple of days I received messages like these:

“Hey Joey, here is a laser-gun that you can use in Mafia-Wars; can you provide me of another useful weapon?” (?? pardon me ????)

“Hey Joey, here is a lemon-tree”  (?? a lemon tree  ??) “… can you send me some other trees for my garden?” (I immediately inspected my backyard garden … any fruit trees being under direct attack ???)

“Hey Joey, you received a Lilly-plant from XXX, do you want to send back a ZZZ plant to your friends?” 

Now, what the $&*$%  is a Lilly plant and what is a ZZZ plant ???  Where do I find one and how do I ship it??

Of course, I do feel very flattered that many of my Windows Live friends meet me on Facebook, but, boy oh boy, how lost do I feel in that surrealistic, even psychedelic world of make-belief and fairy-tales.

Joey .

PS: “Hmm … do you know what all that recent fuzz is about this Twitter-Twitter-Wack-Wack-Donald-Ducky thingy??”

Today I received an alarming email, sent by “The Windows Live Hotmail Team” (note that the word “Hotmail” is underlined):

Wow!  Thanks, pals, for the warning! I hope that your Digestion will improve soon …

I replied the following message:

(To be continued?)

Joe

Part 13 of the "Legends of After-Earth

Quick reminder:
Quick reminder … yeaaahhhhh …. this is what I feared so much the last couple of weeks; it is my task now to summarize the story of the Legends of After-Earth, all 12 episodes, short and to the point, yeahhhh …., but …, to be honest, the author of this masterpiece has made my task rather impossible. How can I remember all these complicated details after a pause of almost one month!?

What can I do? I need the money. I am not a member of the SNU (Silly Narrator Union), making my legal position a little bit vulnerable.
My contract sais that I have to be standby till the end of the story; I know, cruel but I did sign that stupid paper. I haven’t seen my family since Christmas 2008, hardly dare to go to the bathroom, afraid to miss to announcement “Quick Reminderrrrrrrr….!”.

I have become very popular, though, with the owner of the nearby Pizza Club … I have ordered all their flavors, several times now …
My wife will be shocked when she will see me with this ugly long beard and moustache (forgot to bring my razor).

Hey, you, Narrator: “Quick reminder!!”:
(taking a deep breath):

• Honey is fuelled-up but  lost ..
• Hunter detonated a small A-bomb, his travel companion is lying at the street, very dead, being eaten by … never mind.
• Lady OctaPussy has been swallowed by Moby
• Lady Alexia seems to be nuts, drunk or drugged (or a combination of them).
• Lady Swan is chairing an ad-hoc meeting with her white disciples.
• The world is burning … and Joey is running to ... ???
• Pizza!

Just outside the collapsed and overgrown suburbs of Old-York, in a desolate landscape of stone, skeletons and dangerous reptiles, and old tree-stump is fighting for its life. Sucking the sparse radio-active water from the ground, trying to reach to the sun, to catch some energy.
An old wooden chest is entangled in its branches … every now and then, the chest is shaking and an smothered voice yells “Hey, enough, Ok, Ok, you win! Enough … let me go now … you win!” And Father Time turns the page of another Galactic Month.

To be continued.
Joey.

I am a not-so-very-young man anymore, but still, I think about my Mom and Dad every day. I talk with them and often am truly convinced that they answer my questions. The bond with my dad was very special.

My dad was a strong and vivid man, emotional like me (we used to weep together in front of the television, watching terrible soaps, trying to hide our tears and making cruel jokes about the victims ). My father had alternate happy and sad moods every other hour, … like me.

My father loved to be the centre of the Universe … I don’t.
He loved to please and ease people (that’s me) and he loved to write and tell weird stories, that’s my passion too.

My father was a beloved man, he used to help everyone, even the ones not needing any help at all … (therefore) he died poor in a materialistic way but extremely rich in a spiritual way. When we stood as his grave, family and friends, we all were so sincerely grieved, so sad … I remember that my deceased father whispered some jokes in my ear just before I couldn’t hold me tears.

Let me end with two pictures my father would have appreciated … (I hope you have Internet in Heaven, Dad!)

… and an oldie (my father loved dancing, parties, theatre, very loud, happy music and singing, he was a driven but terrible guitar player )

“Ohh … No …. My God! This is cruel !!” ….Big Laugh …. “Again, Yo, one more time …, come on …”, (wiping the tears from his eyes).

I Love you Dad, always have and always will. I envy the souls surrounding you right now … stay with me … forever !

Yo

So Sad, … so … Sad … so … terribly Sad ….

Joey.

Just before I wanted to switch off my PC, I spotted this cute picture, downloaded a long, long time ago … my sad heart was relieved at once and I could breath again without any problem …

God Is Truly Great … Power to the Children!  (Tanrı Çocuklar Harika ... Güç mi!, الله أكبر... السلطة لأطفال)

I want to send Kisses to All the Gentle People, the Peaceful People, the People Pure of Heart, the Innocent People, let’s combine our strength and enlighten this Too Dark World!

Joey

Many, many times in my life, I have locked myself in a very ingenious  prison. A mental prison, to be precise, the most cruel prison there is.
There always was a sneaky back-door escape, of course, the human mind may be obedient but not a fool. Only, the “brain carrier” has some strange habits, ignoring the whispering voices of the sound part of his mind.

”Why are you doing this?”
“You DO remember what you have DONE ??”
“Why have you said that, you know it is not true.”
“Are you happy now …?”
”Breath in ….. Breath outttttt……. Breath in …… (in!!) …. breath out …… OUTTTT !!!”
“You are an Idiot!”
“You know that you ought to … “
”No time to loose! … stand up!!”
”You pervert!”
”Shame upon you!”

How is it possible that my own mind is punishing me so harshly, every other day? 
Open the Door, Mind,  I want to Breath!!!!

Joey.