This month has been so extremely hot in Kansas. Hot, windy and awfully humid.
Today it is the same story. The sun burning without mercy, thunder and lightning in the distance and every now and then strange violent winds. I am doing NOTHING, just sitting on my porch and trying not to move, not to blink or to breath. My (very sexy, muscular) belly is so hot that you could fry an egg on it.

The whole day I am only drinking cold drinks and eating Italian ice cream.

I seriously considered to go to "a sea" or to "a swimming pool" but I am too hot, much too drunk and very much too lazy to come out of my chair for the rest of the week.

Can you imagine that my wife is SUN BATHING?? Her skin must have a kind of alien krypton structure to feel comfortable in these UV bombardments.

The puppies are playing and peeing in a plastic mini pool and seem to be very happy too. One of the two is missing, I think (since ... yesterday??), but I am too tired to lift my head to look for him/her.

I don't like the heat but I fear the wind. The wind can be very treacherous and suddenly become a destructive tornado between two slow swallows of ice-cold Johnie Walker.

The sky is becoming lead gray in the east, I don't like it at all.

Joey.

I am sitting on my porch ... feeling OK again after such long, troubled times. The doctor left a couple of hours ago ... the sun is burning on my skin and the air smells like summer ...

I can hardly keep my eyes open, they are so heavy ... my mind is in a kind of "hibernate" position ... I am smiling and listening and completely integrated with my environment ...
I hear a bird, open my left eye and see a black little fellow with a yellow beak; I wink to him; he seems to understand and makes somes funny moves with his wings. I close my eyes again ...

I hear my wife singing in the kitchen and I feel so a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y, f-a-n-t-i-s-t-i-c-a-l-l-y RICH. I thank GOD and close my eyes again ...

I see my parents and my brothers when I was a child, six, seven years old ... at most. "Hello Mummy, Hello Daddy, you look so young and happy, what has happened over all those years???", I whisper. I cannot help starting to cry ... silently, peacefully ... and I fall asleep again ...

My wife kisses me softly on my lips and wipes the tears from my face ... no words, no sounds, only smiling and touching, tenderly, magically ... and the birds keep twittering in my ears, the wind carefully touches my face and GOD embraces us and winks at me ...

Joey.

My Beloved Friend Beth asked me recently if my barber tells me jokes.
NO, Sweet Beth, NO, absolutely not. ("Au contraire", the French people would say ... I think).

First, I don't have one barber but a group of barbers, brothers/nephews/clones probably. They all look alike, smell the same and they all speak the same typical barber language. ("Hello Hairy Customer, nice weather isn't it, same treatment as last time??" (while outside Mother Earth is trying to drown all inhabitants of Kansas with terrible rain storms.).

My barbers still use the old fashioned barber tools but can be very creative using them.

I like them because they are so terribly predictable. "Oh, your hair looks a little bit stressed, Mister DolTom (...). What about a special Hair Revival Boost Potion? It is a great success in the UK."

"Your mustache could use an Oprah Winfrey Wonder-Lift!, Mister DolTom, this week $58 dollars only!! ... and you have a chance to win a free studio place in Doctor Phill's TV Series The Psycho Show".

Hmm, I think I will bring them a visit one of these days.

Joey

The weather already was bad but has changed from worse to worser. I think that all these melted Polar icebergs are falling down on my house only (you are right, Al !). This is the wettest year I remember; rain and thunder while it should be summer.

A perfect time to browse the Internet and check the tip that my dear friend Elise gave me about my new little, stinky friends. She is right, they are called "Pygmy Marmosets", not Marmelade but M-A-R-M-O-S-E-T-S. They eat fruit and are not too clever. They remind me of my brother Jack (although he is taller than I am )

To be honest, I really got fond on these little stinkers. They run around my house, squeak like little piggies and fall asleep on my bed. So cute ... so innocent ... so helpless ...

 

Mrs D. threatened to "Sue Me ! " when I would try to get rid of them. I only protested vaguely (after all, I am "the man" in the house, although I know, deep inside, that this is hardly a recommendation ...).
Have to go now, the little ones are hungry ...

Hugs & Kisses,
Joey

Who would have thought that there are so many strange things happening in my backyard? Although I received many tips how to identify the little fellows we found in the collapsed building (thank you, friends!), I still don't know what they are. Terry found a third one, looking old and also smelling like an old boot but very happy when we united him/her with the two little ones we found two days ago.

My latest post, awakened the Kansas Morning Star reporters. They joined us while we explored more strange spots in my backyard and they made amazing pictures (to be published soon!).

While we were cutting and sawing in and around the swamp we encountered many weird creatures. After three days of hard labor we were not even amazed any more. "Morning' Gollum!" I heard someone say. "Snakes!" someone else was yelling. I was in a kind of trance or even shock; how could this all happen in my backyard ?? I have lived here for half a life time!

We really need to rest now. We all are exhausted and we are not even close to the border of my proprietary (the "Joey-Bob Electric Fence"). I feel wonderful, like Indiana Jones or that hairy guy from Lord of The Rings who gets that beautiful Arwen Lady after slaughtering uncountable ugly enemies.

Hugs & Kisses,
Joey

It is not that I am too lazy but my garden is just too extended for me to be its real master. I did try very hard to keep it clean and under control but nature is many times stronger than Joey Dalton. My garden became a real jungle.

Mrs D. sometimes woke me in the middle of the night claiming that she had heard "monkey sounds". I always interpreted that as a subtle hint that I finally should clean-up the mess ...

I have wonderful neighbors and many of them offered me their help.
This weekend was: Dalton-Jungle-Day.

We started cutting and sawing right after sun rise. The spirit was high and Mrs D. served us fantastic coffee and doughnuts. The first four, five hours were going extremely well and we made a lot of progress. We were singing and making fun of each other when we suddenly encountered a weird place in my backyard ...

I was nailed to the ground when I spotted it. "What the hack is this??" Terry said and lighted a new cigarette. We carefully removed some more rotten trees and wild plants around the old, collapsed building, soaking in the pool surrounding it.

Someone yelled and we all ran to him as fast as we could. Look what we found:

I don't know what they are; they make soft monkey sounds, sleep all day, don't like beer (stupid Jeff!) and smell like old cheese. We have put them in a big box with milk and bread. Muriel even put a little blanket in it and my brother Averell is checking his cooking books looking for a suitable "jungle diner".

Any advice is highly appreciated!

Joey.

About 15 years ago I started suffering from tinnitus after a severe cold combined with a long trip by airplane. Since then, silence has become a relative term for me. I always hear sound(s). When I am completely at rest and have peace with myself, the sounds are friendly and in the background. As soon as I am becoming upset or stressed, the sounds become alarming and awful. It took me fifteen years to have peace with this situation. I feel OK now and in balance. I hesitated to share this with you but after all, you are my friends.

Enjoy silence and peace of mind.
Hugs & Kisses,
Joey