Summer still has to come but I am already concentrating on next autumn. On September 30, the John Turbo Band (of which I am the guitar man) will do a musical performance in the Eureka City Hall. The members of the band decided (without asking my approval) to rename the band "The Joey Dalton Band" because I, at least, have many friends and nobody knows John Turbo (a fake name, by the way, made up by Rudy Walschheimer, our light and sound technician.

Our producers (T-Ford Productions) succeeded in contracting Joey Walsh and Dicky Dale as special guests.

Since last Monday tickets can be purchased in the Eureka city center.

Selling is going extremely well and I received many friendly reactions from fans and friends. The coming months I need to rehearse frequently but I really look forward to this happening. I hardly dare to ask but if you are in the neighborhood around September 30, please meet me.

Hugs & Kisses,
T-Ford Joey.

My neighbor Bob adores computers .

His wife, Tina, once told me that Bob even keeps his wireless headset on when he goes to bed. Until half a year ago Bob was allowed to promote his IT services using a part of my web site. I stopped this favor because it caused too many weird late-night phone calls ("Bob, is that you???? Please help me, my mouse has bitten me!@").

Lately I noticed a lot of activities in and around Bob's house. I even spotted the fire-brigade two or three times but I didn't give it much thought.

Today Bob called me and invited me to his home. "You won't believe your eyes, Joe!", he said and chuckled mysteriously . Just to be sure I took a gun with me.

When I knocked on his door he welcomed me and guided me to his study. I did not ask him why he and his family were dressed in swimming suits. Soon, I would find out.

"I bought one hundred Commodore PC's on E-bay, it was a real bargain!" Bob smiled with joy. "Great!" I could hardly say, "What on earth have you done with them, Bob ...??".

"Look and Shiver!" Bob replied and opened a secret door showing one hundred stripped Commodore PC's, tightly pushed into a self-made cabinet and inter linked with hundreds of cables.

"I encountered a lot of problems, Joe, but I conquered them all!. The very first time I switched on my super-grid-PC all fuses were blown away with a terribly sound. No problem, I bought a super-power-supply generator, it produces so much power that it completely burned down my refrigerator and TV set, well, who cares, I hardly used them after all".

"When I installed the software on my grid-PC the second problem knocked on my door. This ugly machine produces a lot of heat, maybe a terribly lot is a better term. Did you call the fire brigade saying that my chimney was in fire? Thanks anyhow".

"The heat problem is not solved yet but I am working on it, just a matter of time, Joe."

"What did you do with the other 99 screen monitors, Bob" I asked innocently (I had noticed that the grid-PC was connected to one monitor only).

"No problemo, neighbor. I used them in my bathroom to make a very modern wall and a number of them are in my front garden, enlightening the path to my door."

When I left Bob's house, I glanced at Tina, sitting bewildered in her living room, sweating and talking to herself.

Back home again, I took a long ice-cold shower.
Hugs & Kisses,
Joey

I never liked sport very much. Oh yeah, I was an extremely fast runner when I was young. Running away from my brothers when I made them mad on me and later, when I grew up and became an adult, running away from the police when they tried to catch me. That's all and for me that is enough. When you sport you get deadly tired, even wounded or killed! No, thanks,

My brother William, however, L-O-V-E-S sport. He is an active kick-boxer and wrestler (for 55+ people) and knows everything about sport: dates, names, victories, victims, gossip. Yesterday he tried to explain to me the rules and wonders of soccer (football for Europeans). I tried to be polite so I listened carefully. Today I would like to share with you the secrets of football (as far as I remember).

The hardware; you need a ball (round ones are more expensive but better than oval ones) and an outfit: shoes, shirts, trousers and socks. It is strongly recommended that you buy the same outfit color as the other players of your team (otherwise they will let you eat the ball).

On the right you see an example of an pathetic amateur not following the above rules (picture taken before eating the ball):

I have understood that some men love football more than their wives/friends. I will name no names ...

Ok, when you have bought the essential equipment and formed a team (consisting of eleven persons). You need a place to play. In football terms this place is called: stadium, like the old Roman Colosseum but without the lions (I think). Here is a cheap one:

When you are getting skilled in football and killed most of your opponents, your team will be enriched with fans. The proper football term is "hooligans", and old Indian term as the following pictures may explain:

The ultimate goal of football is to kick the ball into the goal of the opponent, without using your hands or teeth. When this happens during a match thousands of fans spontaneously wet their pants and burn their chairs or molest their neighbors.

And what about the players reward? I hear you say. Well, the winning team will get the FIFA World Football pin. The ultimate dream of all football players on Earth:

 

I have become so tired, I need a nap.
Please, stay away from sport, stay healthy!   

Hugs & Kisses,
Joey.

We all are travelers on the same train.
We all have an one-way ticket.
We all are unsure about our destination.

Every new day we trust/hope (even are convinced) that the train continues its way forever but we know (yes, we know, oh yeah, we know deep in our hearts) that no-one of us will reach a destination ... ever.
Someday we will be forced to leave this bloody train and then, what ... ???
The train will ride on but without you and without your loved ones.

...
During my life I fought this plan; uncountable times I kicked like a mule and I yelled like a mad man until I lost my voice and my senses. I was so scared to DEATH. I cursed GOD, I hated GOD and I blamed HIM.

...
I came to my senses after a long, long life of struggling and fighting, when age (experience? who can tell) opened my eyes for the other dimensions of Real Life.
...
It was that particular moment, that split of a second, that I decided to solace my fellow travel companions, to enjoy the last days of my journey and to trust in God; God=Trust and God=Faith and God does not obey rational ways of thinking or rational laws of physics.

You cannot proof Belief. Belief=Trust, Belief=Hope, Belief=Extremely Difficult. I am convinced that many of us are on Earth to learn How To Belief.

Please, Help me God, to keep Faith in You and Please Stay with me when I have to leave this train.

Joey (no valid ticket).

亲爱的来自中国的朋友，

请原谅我不懂中文。

我试着用计算机去翻译我的母语。

我希望你们能够理解我的意图。

当地震，毁灭，死亡，受伤,悲伤以及绝望向你们袭来时，我非常的难过。

我能做什么呢？我能说什么呢？

我同情你们的遭遇，希望你们坚强并充满信仰。请分享我和来自全世界成千上万人的友情吧。我祈祷上帝与你们同在。

JOEY

(With special thanks to my Dear Friend Shamsi )

亲爱的朋友从中国。
借口为我恶劣的语言。
我翻译了我的母语(英语)为汉语与计算机。 我希望你了解我的意图。
我感觉很哀伤关于什么发生在你身上，地震、爆破、死去和负伤的人民、哀情和绝望。
能什么什么我做，可以我说？
I同情与你和祝愿你所有力量和信念。 请分享我的友谊和那成千上万其他人民在世界。
我祈祷上帝将是以你。
Joey。

Dear Friends from China.
Excuses for my poor language.
I have translated my mother language (English) to Chinese with a computer. I hope you understand my intentions.
I feel so sad about what happened to you, the earthquake, the demolitions, the dead and wounded people, the grief and the despair. What can I do, what can I say?
I sympathy with you and wish you all strength and faith. Please share my friendship and that of millions of other people over the world. I pray God will be with you.
Joey.

My Hearts weeps when I see the demolitions that took place in China after the earthquake.

My Heart weeps when I see the Chinese people, dwelling, completely lost.

My Heart weeps when I see the houses, collapsed, the corpses of children, and the helpers, helpless ...

I feel so terribly lost and helpless myself, I wish I had unlimited power.

I feel so ashamed to be alive, healthy and without serious problems
Joey (So Sad).

Been away for a while. I was invited as Guest Speaker of the Conference of Interestingness 2008 (Utah). I never had heard about this conference before but of course I was honored to be a guest speaker, so I said "YES, SURE, NO PROBLEMO, AMIGO".

I  was the first presenter and my audience was absolutely wonderful. When I finished my presentation (titled: "Waking Up these Wicked Oldies with Windows Live Spaces"), people started to shout my name, clapping hands and to throw rice (?), flowers and even underwear (!) to me.

The other presentations were .... OK, let's be honest: B-O-R-I-N-G. The only reactions from the audience were snoring noises and sometimes crazy questions about random topics ("... is that you, Bob?" or "..what time is it??"). After the conference they even found a person who had drowned himself in the men's toilet (watch CSI episode 132, titled: "Unclean Affairs in Utah").

After three UNBELIEVABLY DULL days the audience found a smart way to look alert and responsive (a smart Chinese man was selling these masks in front of the conference building; he would be an excellent speaker for the next conference!).

For me it has been a wonderful experience and I would like to thank Calvin and Klein who organized this meeting so professionally (***puke***). Next year I will be available again, gentlemen!

At home again I was thinking. The conference attracted about 800 people who each paid 1800 dollars conference fee (hotel and lodging and travel costs excluded). So, let's say their companies paid about 3000 dollars per person (all-in). In total, a quarter-of-a-million-dollars was literally flushed through the toilet. How many poor people could have been fed with this money? It is a crazy and often shameful world we live in.

Joey,
Free Lance Conference Speaker

Hugs & Kisses,
Joey

During a birthday party a couple of weeks ago, my family started a discussion about the pollution problems, the weather changes and the high food prices. After some while someone asked: "What could WE do to improve the situation?". Silence ....

"Well,..."  Averell said, "... we could start a factory that produces cool brooms. You need brooms to clean-up, don't you?". "Zzzzzzz ... zzzzzZZ" snored Jack.

"I like your idea  about a factory, Av", William said, "but why not start a beer brewery in Joey's barn. Then we don't need to drive to the shopping mall every other day, you know how much noise and smoke my motor bike produces, not the mention your T-Ford!"

"The answer is: flowers!" , Cathrine interrupted the brothers, discussing whose vehicle is the biggest polluter, "... they smell good and have nice colors".

"Wind!" I said, "Definitely wind!". "Are you puffy, Joe?" my wife asked a little bit worried.

... ...   ... ...

The same week I started experimenting with all kind of machines driven by wind power.

Results are promising but I am a little bit worried about the many storms (even tornados!) we have in Kansas ... I need more time.

Hugs & Kisses,
Puffy Joey

... and GOD says: "Please, Child, hushh ... husshhh.... hushhhh ... excuse me, Sweetheart, but why have You done all these terrible things on Earth? Please, explain to me, whisper in my ear if You like but I don't understand, ... please, Darling ..."

... and the (Wo)Man cannot explain but starts to weep heartbreakingly.

"Why didn't You come to see me, Sweet Darling", God replies, in tears too, and embraces the Weeping Human.

"I couldn't find you !!" , the Human cries desperately, "... where have you been, WHERE ??!!".

"You kept searching for me outside, Darling, GOD whispers, while I was deep in Your Heart, closer to You I couldn't get." ...

... and the Human understands, becomes a Child again and falls asleep, ... smiling ... smiling ... at last, after so many,  ... uncountable years ... and GOD stays awake and rocks the sleeping Child, full of sorrow and grieve ...

Kisses to all of you and sleep well !
Joey

Struggling with my Blue Tooth HeadSet Today. WHY ??? Blue Tooth is no rocket science!
I installed the software that was delivered together with the hardware. At the end of the installation process (always at the end, WHY ???) I got a very mysterious message saying that the installation failed because of ..."HOCUS POCUS"... (WHAT ???)

Smart as I am, I connected to the web site of the HeadSet factory and downloaded the latest Vista setup driver. Joey, you are brilliant! After activating the new software I got a warning message saying something like:

"Dear Customer, we are still working on the Vista set-up program (to be honest, not very hard but every month a couple of hours, ... one or two maybe, but still, ... working on it). Feel free to continue with the latest (DOS) version ... on your own risk. We are not responsible for any damage as a result of using this software; we are, howevever, very interested in your experiences. Please visit our web site and fill-in the customer satisfaction review"

OK, the installation went well, but please let's grow up, this is ridiculous, ladies&gentlemen software developers.

I looked around and found a much better solution to fix all my Blue Tooth problems:.

Hugs & Kisses,
Joey

Yes, you have read that correctly. Believe me E-L-V-I-S = A-L-I-V-E and his music is absolutely MAGIC.
"Elvis?" I hear you thinking. Well not these two fake ones:

 

But THIS ELVIS ! Listen and enjoy:

Hugs & Kisses,
Joey