Last night I had a wonderful dream  that I would like to share with you.

I found an old oil  lamp in my back garden and I tried to clean it. A Genii appeared from nothing and told me that I could do one wish (yes, one).

I thought for a while and said: I want to be a famous, powerful sheik with one thousand wife's, a flying carpet, a very popular web site and three brothers.

A puff of smoke ... and I was floating on a carpet across my country. People waved at me when I flew over and men cursed me secretly because all women were in love with me.

My home was a beautiful palace with ... 1000 beautiful wives.
I was loved, respected and known all over the world.

I did not see my three brothers, but, to be honest, I did not miss them for one second.

I will go to bed early today; first I need to do exercises with my Saz and smoke the water pipe.

Love you all, Women , kisses, Sheik Joey.

Today I watched a remarkable movie, titled "Pulp Fiction". According to Averell the title is not very promising but he was completely wrong: Pulp Fiction is a Superb Movie.

The story is about the struggle between good  (Preacher Jules and Pupil Vincent) and  Evil (boxer Bruce).

I am not sure who wins: the good ones or the bad ones. I suspect that the movie which I rented is an illegal copy of the original film. The hacker must have damaged the movie and fixed it in a very clumsy way: the scenes were not glued in chronological order.

Never mind.The music is fine and reminds me of my younger years. A short impression of this movie can be watched here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vCCsu7Bq1c

Kisses from Joey, I hope that you are doing well.

Picture: the Pulp Fiction Movie Poster

I am completely enchanted  by Eastern Music after my visit of the Kansas Belly Dancers Performance yesterday.

I even bought a FEZ and a SAZ today. What is a fez? An oriental hat, used by sheiks and men of importance. What is a saz? A kind of guitar with a big belly. I am a pretty good guitar player but this instrument has its own will; very fascinating.

I love it and practiced the whole day.

Please listen to the real saz maestro's:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FaUUiwQKRjU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNJ5mNl8cuU

Absolutely Fabulous!

I need to practice again,
Love, Joey.

Picture: my new Saz

 Thank you all four your friendly words comforting me in my sadness and anger. Where would I be without you?

Around 10:00 AM I was called by a lady, called Jasmine Guzelgobek, living in the suburbs of Kansas City. Jasmine had read my last blog and invited me to come to a performance of the Kansas Belly Dancers. I never had seen this group before so I drove to Kansas City.

Jasmine and her  girl friends did evaporate my negative feelings within five minutes. What a happiness, what an elegance and what an enchantment watching the oriental dancing and listening to the fascinating music.

A performance of Jasmine in Kansas can be watched here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fmz5s7Wuu9E

I have become a different man. I scanned Internet for Belly Dancing. Unbelievable, please look how beautiful:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWBsn4BXGu0 (Maroc Dance)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHAGIRtBInc (Arabic Dance)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qh_z5Dj96HI (Turkish Dance)

I feel a Sheik, Wise, Rich and extremely Handsome of course. Love You All , Joey.

It was peanut farmer Skunky (smelling badly as always) who brought me the shocking news.

The nice lady journalist who visited my house yesterday indeed is a ... journalist of the Kansas Sunday Boulevard. Her article in today's edition was short and horrible. She clearly explains my inhuman homely situation and invites homes for elderly people in Kansas to have a look if I and my brothers can be given shelter and treatment.

What a SHOCK. I rather eat my left foot than go to such an institution.

Bye, new house, bye new garden, bye trip to Hawaii. Stupid Extreme Home Makeover! Stupid Pennington !! Stupid World !!!

I need a drink or two.

Love, Joey, (looking for revenge ).

Today the plan worked out perfectly well. My house was a real mad-house when the lady reporter arrived.

 Doggie had just bitten poor friend Ping and Bob chased him with a hammer. Jack was snoring terribly, the kids were running through the house like drunken formula-1 drivers and Averell wept and moaned heart-breakingly. In the mean time the guys of my band were improvising on the veranda (or cleaning their instruments, I don't know).

The sweet lady had a long list of questions but after the third one she jumped  from her chair (which she shared with Bob) and left, saying: " The situation is clear, I have seen enough. You will hear from me soon, mister Dalton, please be patient for a little while, salvation is near!". Words like honey ....

Ten minutes later, I kicked out everyone and prepared myself a Johnnie Walker. What a silence, what a satisfaction, what a brilliant man I am ...

When I close my eyes I can almost see what is going to happen the coming days .... (see photo gallery).

Love You All, Kisses, Joey.

Yesterday I was not dreaming about Extreme Home Makeover having selected my house for renovation.

Today I got a mysterious phone call from a nice lady, introducing herself as "journalist", and asking if she could visit me at home for an interview (... very clever ...). Of course I said yes and made an appointment for tomorrow morning.

Now, my house is fine, so, The Plan: I called my three brothers, my friends of the band and several neighbors and asked them all to come to my house and stay there for 24 hours. Kids and pets are welcome, the more the better.

Tomorrow my brothers and I will behave like tortured old men, complaining about the crowded house, the animals and the noises. Averell is a convincing moaner and Jack knows how to walk limp perfectly. I will take my guitar and threaten hitting anyone coming into my neighborhood. I hardly can wait.

Something different, John Turbo is one of my friends playing in the band; John gave me the following link, demonstrating his fabulous musical talent and deep love of Kansas; John was filmed by his wife Wilma, who is a very famous pottery painter. Your attention please:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60M0SnuN3iI

Love You All, Joey (becoming famous very soon)

I am so very excited. Miracles do exist, believe me.

Yesterday I told you I have heard some amazing gossips. Today I believe they are REAL. Hold on ...

Someone of you (I really do not know who ... but THANK YOU, DEAR !! THANK YOU), has sent my name to the famous team of Extreme Home Makeover.

If you live outside of the U.S.A. maybe you never have heard about these people. Well, they completely demolish your old house within ONE DAY (so what?) but ... (now the interesting part starts) THEY REBUILD A BEAUTIFULL NEW HOUSE WITHIN A WEEK ....FOR FREE. Sometimes, they even give you one, two or three cars and/or motor cycles.

The series is very popular in the States. I am a fan too but never dreamed about being one of the lucky families.

My house is fine, but, hehhh ... , home improvements are always very, very welcome. Think about all those super-modern gadgets they install!

I spotted some ABC crew, filming my house from the distance. I need to prepare a good strategy with my brothers !

Love You All, Joey (Extremely Concentrated)

Picture: "Gooooooood Morning, Dalton Family !!!!!!!!"

Sorry, beloved ones, I am still drugged by the overwhelming audience applause's (and the drinks, of course).

I told you on November 16 that I am fond of hats and boots and showed you some of my most beautiful hats. Many of you reacted enthusiastically. Thanks for this.

Today I will show you a part of my boot collection (and then I will sleap/walk to my bed again). Tomorrow I will show you another part of my collection and I will also try to tell you some of the gossips I heard during the festival ( I could not believe my ears !).

Sleep in Peace, I Cherish you all, Joey.

Picture: Part of my Boots Collection

y.

My loved ones, I miss you terribly but I am so VERY, VERY tired. I hope my spelling checker will correct most of my typo's but please, forgive me if I write sentences you don't understand; it is completely my fault. I want to be honest with you: I am VERY VERY drunk.  The party is still going on although most guests have gone home or are sleeping in and around my house.

Bob and William have become very close friends; Bob even seems to have accepted the special relation between William and his wife Tina; Bravo, Bob; Good luck, William; You Lucky Tina!.

The audience loved the performances of my old band even when Luther forgot some parts of the text of the songs and the Priest fell asleep while playing and Harry broke his instrument becoming too enthusiastic.

I love this kind of happenings, they make me feel 50 again.

Oh, I wish you all could be here with us, sharing the pleasure and abundance of drink and food and music.

I need to sleep now.

Peace and Happiness to you all, Love Joey.

Picture: I seem to be the Hero of the Party

The party is a great, great success. People have come from everywhere and nobody wants to go home. We have set-up a big tent next to my house because the weather is not too good (raining).

My friends, I have to leave you for today, people are yelling my name; they want me to play the band with my old friends again.

Hope to show you more pictures tomorrow, if my head is clear enough!

Enjoy Life, I Love You All, Joey.

Picture: my old band in action.

Yesterday I asked your advice for the "Duel problem between Computer Bob and Brother William". My nephew Willie sent me a proposal (see picture below). Very funny, but not very serious, thanks, Willie!

My brother Averell had a much better idea: "Let's organize a music festival and invite Bob and William as special guests".

A splendid idea because we all love parties and making music. Thanks, Bob, that you accepted the invitation; you are not such a dumb guy after all. By the way, William would like to know if Tina is coming too?.

We are very busy organizing things, so today I have to leave you very soon. The festival is tomorrow and a lot of friends and guests still need to be invited. We have to arrange food and drinks and places to sleep but this is Averell's special talent.

Brother Jack is rehearsing on the roof with his violin; I have never seen him awake for such a long time. I will join him later with my guitar.

PS: I have uploaded some pictures of people who hopefully are able to join the party tomorrow.

Be happy, never fight if your opponent is weaker, Love you All, Joey (in a hurry).

Picture: The "Duel Solution" of Nephew Willie.

 

Bob sent William an SMS "I want to duel you!". The man is romantic but his brains are still shaken I think. I don't know what to do at this moment.

I like small women, William goes for the tall ones. This Tina lady, I told you about (yes, Bob's wife), is from a family that is famous about his length and strength.

Tina is tall, her sister Belinda too and her other sister Bertha is as strong as an ox. Maybe you have seen Bertha in the Olympic games of 1994 (never won a medal, though).

I like Tina most, we are pretty good friends and like to make jokes about Bob (sorry Bob) and to gossip about William (who does not read this blog; in fact: does not read anything).

I phoned Averell and Jack and asked them to come to my house to discuss the "Bob-situation". I can use some advice and mental support. If you have any experience in this kind of situations, Please Leave Some Advice on This Web Site. Would be great.

Kisses, Joey.

Picture: Bob challenged William for a Duel.

I know this is a serious matter and I should not make jokes about it but still I do. Forgive me.

Today, Computer Bob came to our house, furious, armed with two hammers. He challenged William to come outside and banged on our door while screaming, yelling and cursing. (I told you yesterday that I suspected William to have an affaire with Bob's wife).

William, finished his breakfast, smoked a cigarette, sighed, put on his hat and went outside.

I called the police.

When they arrived, Bob was lying on my veranda, not looking very healthy. I told the cops what happened and they immediately started calling all kinds of people.

In no time the press arrived and a small group of villagers started shouting William's name, hoping to see a glimpse of the old man that knocked down a brutal invader.

A nice news reporter lady interviewed me and Williams story was published in our local evening newspaper. 

Bob is in jail now and William is at Bob's house, having dinner (?)with Bob's wife: Tina ....

I have to laugh again, sorry.
Love You, Joey.

I love my wife, I love my brothers, I love my friends (YOU), Doggie and Hoss and I love hats and boots. When I was a kid I used to wear kids hats, playing Billy The Kid or Jeronimo and the Seven Dwarfs.

Nowadays I still sleep with my hat on; the only moment I take it off is when I am taking a shower or go to the barber.

Today is a slow day so allow me to show you ten of the most interesting hats I have collected (see photo gallery).

Some gossip I would like to share with you: it have found out that my brother William is having a secret love affair with the wife of my neighbor Computer Bob (you remember, the man with the hammer?).  

If you read this article, Bob, I warn you that William was a very promising boxer and still has a temper ...

Love You All, Joey (taking off his hat for you)

You cannot imagine how much pain William and I felt when we awoke this morning. We could hardly move. Our legs and arms felt like wooden sticks. Time for a relaxing day.

We drove to the video rental and asked the shopkeeper for an exciting movie. The man winked (that should have warned us!) and gave us a movie from under the counter, titled "The Best of BayWatch", whispering: "this is real, real HOT stuff ...."

We believed him, old fools.

At home again, we sat down on our comfortable couches, enough beer within reach, and switched on this exciting movie.

The first ten minutes of the movie were nice, beautiful beaches, nice colors, wonderful weather.

After half an hour we wondered when the exciting stuff would start.

After one hour we became really aggressive watching another BayWatch. We even started throwing beer bottles to the TV set and making inelegant noises.

When the movie ended, we decided to return to the village and seriously damage the video shopkeeper. I could hardly stop William from eating the movie disk.

Our advice: do not touch this movie unless you are a mermaid or like to stare into the distance.

Love, Joey (still upset)

Maybe you remember what happened with my brother William (see my blog some days ago). Well, William has completely recovered. Today he was walking around the house for a long time; when he returned he came to me saying: "Joey I am BORED!".

Now, William is a real sport so I did not want to propose him to watch another movie or to play some silly board games. So, I called my friend Ping Lao Sun (yes, my lawyer) and discussed the situation. Ping came with a brilliant idea: "Let's Fly Kites!".

He brought some fantastic Eastern kites with him. I had found an old kite on my attic but hardly dared to show this one to Ping.

When we all went outside we found out that we had a serious problem: not enough wind.

At first we tried to pull the kite into the air by running as fast as we could but neither William ("the sport") or me ("the young one") were able to keep our kite in the air for a long time.

I tied the rope of our kite to Hoss and convinced him to gallop around the house. Hoss was wonderful and ran like hell, the kite went straight into the bright sky and the rope encircled our house and chimney .... and broke. Bye, Bye Dalton Kite.

In the mean time Ping had succeeded in launching TWO of his "rockets", splendid kites (see photo gallery).

We are back in the house now; both William and I are deadly tired. Ping is preparing dinner ... and I need a nap.

Love, Joey, Master of Kites.

Today I dare to ask your attention for a worldwide spread problem of a delicate nature. I have hesitated a long time but I received so many calls for advice that I decided to help you.

The problem is the "Little Johnson" problem. If you do not know what I am talking about, please skip this blog.

I have understood that not only Big Mr. Johnson but also Mrs. Johnson often have traumatic experiences with this ugly situation. (She: "Where were you last night ?? He: "With YOU, in bed, REMEMBER !?!?!?") 

I am not a doctor or a medical specialist so I sent e-mails to two famous Indian Medicine Men in Kansas and asked them for advice. They both replied.

Their methods differ but both claim success, but .... if and only if Mr. Johnson has patience and continues the treatment for at least One Year. The photo gallery gives more detailled information.

A special word of solace from both specialists: "If you feel any form of pain or discomfort, be aware that these are growing pains and signs that the treatment is going to succeed. Keep on going and only think about the result you aim for. A Happy Future Awaits You! Today is Not Important But Tomorrow Is"

TIP: There are some insurance companies that will compensate for the costs you make for these treatments and the equipment and ingredients you need.

 Good Luck and Be Patience!

Joey.

Picture: Where Did I Put It??

Today was a weird but instructive day.

When I switched on my computer, my mouse did behave very unusual. The cursor did not move, the scroll wheel did not scroll and the click buttons did not click (no sound at all). In fact, wheel and buttons were completely GONE. That was very suspicious.

I called several friends and "experts" in the surroundings for advice. I got some very strange answers:

• "... carefully clean your PC with water and antiseptic soap; please, use gloves!..."
• "... take a rubber hammer and carefully knock on the PC until the problem is gone..."; neighbor "Computer Bob" even came to my house to demonstrate this unique technique;
• "... take a high pressure machine and blow out the bacteria...";
• "... format all your disks and rebuild your system starting with DOS...";
• "... Sorry Sir, there is no cure available for this, better throw away your PC and buy a new one with us..., by coincidence, we have a special action this week that will interest you ..."

I called my family doctor who took some samples from the infected mouse and discovered (using his portable electronic microscope) that the virus is the well-known Red-Spiked-Lychee-Yammer. Especially computer mice's are very vulnerable for these red little fellows but also Kangaroos and Flamingo Dancers (I have warned you, don't start complaining at me later).

The doctor and I carefully pulled out the mouse cable and burned the infected stuff in my garden on Averell's barbeque (please do not tell him).

This afternoon I bought a new mouse, wireless, to avoid bacteria to enter my PC by climbing the mouse cable.
I am old but not stupid!

Love You All,
Joey (with brand new, healthy wireless mouse).

I am so unbelievably,  terribly lucky. Yesterday evening I welcomed my 100-th girl friend, Louise from Scandinavia. I am speechless....

I cannot understand what is happening to me. Until recently, I was a lonely man of 82 years old, living with his three brothers, a dog and a horse and now I am surrounded by a circle of heart-warming, loving, charming, intelligent and gorgeous women. Wowwwww...... What man on Earth can say the same? This is a dream that should go on forever. 

I sincerely would like to thank you all for joining my circle of friends. I cherish you all and I will do my best to make you as happy as possible.

Many kisses from Joey! (Floating in Heaven).

Picture: I Am In Heaven.