I became a little bit depressed about this winter; cold, wind, snow, rain, short days. Sometimes wonderful, but so looooong.

My brothers are no fun either; it looks like they are having their winter sleep ("Have a drink today?? Not now, bro, maybe next week?", "Going to hunt rabbits?? My feet are so cold, Joey, and my nose is running !", "Robbing a bank ?? Neeehh, I have done my shopping yesterday.") .

Wimpy Old Men! (yes, you too William!)  

Only one solution was possible: go to Turkey. Warm,  friendly, honest people, "Siskebab" (spicy beef/sheep on a metal pin), "Efes Bira Xtra Strong (beer for real men)", "Deli Aslan Raki" (a magical potion) and weird oriental music (with famous artists like Ibrahim Sugar-Voice and TMF Tarkan).

We have received our airplane tickets today and I feel so much better.

Arkadaslar, geliyorum !! (friends, I am on my way!)

Hugs & Kisses,
Joey    

PS: Trying to copy my ticket? … I have erased the date, dude !     .

I am not stupid, although my brains are pretty old and affected by too much alcohol and too many cheap cigarettes.
I know the secret mazes of Internet too, laddies, and I have discovered who you are in REAL LIFE!

Some of my so-called web friends pretended to be females. Female?? Don’t make me laugh. Hahahaha … !!
I have done some thorough investigations, assisted by my brother "Sherlock" Jack. Look and shiver:

Picture-1: Angela Young, you are Bon Jovi !
Picture-2: Ayse Guzel-Tepe, you are Bill Baker from Minnesota (and you failed for your driving license ..AGAIN!!..)
Picture-3: Greta, you are George Bingham from Liverpool, UK, working as junior parking lot manager.
Picture-4: "The Party Girls", you are Kelvin and Klein, pathetic creatures! (where did I read your names before??)

"Gentlemen above" I have removed you from my friend list. Go away in deep shame and never come back! GO!
Ladies, there are about ten new open vacancies in my circle of friends. Join now or regret for the rest of your life!



Hugs & Kisses,
Joey

Intro: "It has been raining a lot the last two weeks and my house is pretty old."

Yesterday evening my brothers came to my house for the two-weekly poker weekend (we know from experience that the losing party needs about ten days to recover from his defeat). After the usual amount of drinks my brothers went home (I think …) and I managed to find my sleeping room on my own.

Suddenly, I was in a bus. All passengers were silent and their clothes and hair were moving in a weird, slow way. I looked outside and saw … a diver and pale fishes floating along the bus windows...
I yelled to the bus driver but the only sound I could produce was "..blup...blup...blup..."

I woke up, my heart beating like a Zonda … and found myself sitting upright in bed … all blankets and sheets were soaked. After a couple of minutes I saw that water was pouring down from the bed room ceiling.
I grabbed my wife and ran outside, yelling "Fire, Fire !!"  (I don’t know why.)

Epilogue.

It is early in the morning now, I have a terrible hang-over and it is raining cats and dogs. I have to go outside and repair the roof. Maybe I should call my brothers …. hmmmm … or Bob?

Hugs & Kisses,
Joey

"Dear Mister Joey Windows Live Space Dalton, this letter is written by King and Kong, the highly retarded nephews of mothers side of your friend Ping (Pong Set-Point), our bi-directional and infinitely hyperbolic nephew, who has eliminated your noisy and feathered neighbor DONALD ROOSTER!. We are very proud about Nephew Ping and his wonderful martial skills. Far-Away-DNA-Distance Nephew Ping has beaten us up many, many … many!! …  times when we were little children and older  . Therefore, we adore Ping!. We kiss his feet. We will never blame Ping about breaking all our bones or kicking-out all our teeth when we tried to rob him on his birthday party that summer in 1955, carrying a bag of smelling cookies, baked by his mother. Just a little joke, Ping, just a little joke!. Thank you for keeping us our last two teeth! Thank you, Your Majesty

We understand (studying your blog) that Ping is your friend and therefore ... you are our friend too!! Congratulations, Window Live Joey. Good Choice, Very Wise. Good Joey!

We would like to visit you soon, ... with our families. What date will suit you? We need about twelve-twenty beds and two bathrooms. We are very eager to meet you and our long-lost nephew Ping (who owns us much money, by the way). Do you know how we can become a valid passport to enter the USA? King&Kong"
PS: May we use your credentials?

Dear Friends, I will be offline for a couple of weeks!
Joey.

I have to confess something terrible; I am deeply ashamed about it but because you are my friends I want to share this embarrassment with you ... "I have killed Donald" … even worse … "I have EATEN Donald (most of him) and I liked it !"…

Are you still there?  OK, please let me explain.
Donald is, sorry: WAS, the rooster of my neighbor Bob (the famous "computer expert"). Bobs business was not very booming lately so he decided to specialize in breeding chicken. Chicken need a rooster and Bob bought … Donald …

Donald was big and  strong and needed hardly any sleep. Every morning since that October 21 2007, just before dawn, Donald woke-up and WOKE ME UP with this terrible sound !! I became more and more mad about this, talked with Bob several times but without any success.

I almost killed this monster with my old rifle but house friend Ping convinced me that using a gun would alert Bob. Ping had a better plan. Two days ago, just before dawn, 2 seconds after Donald started his morning celebration, he was de-capitated by the boomerang of Ping.

We have secretly collected all feathers and Donald's head. The same evening Mrs D. has prepared us a wonderful meal: "chicken Dalton".  We have toasted on Donald with two bottles of Jack Daniels.



Please let us keep this secret between us .
Joey.

When I was suffering from fever, I had some violent day dreams. Why do certain people love to make themselves ugly and mean looking? For example, why does this person/artist [see first picture] spend time on this terrible outfit? Which woman feels attractive to such a disguise, and **WHY?** I suspect only men to behave like this guy; am I wrong?



I do not know and, to be honest, I don’t want to know. I go for natural beauty, simple, honest, straight to the heart and breath taking beauty.

Hugs & Kisses,
Joey

Beloved Friends, I am back. Still shaky but feeling s-o-o-o-o-o... good after reading all your comments, messages and posts. If have said this before: "You Are Fabulous and Wonderful". What a privilege to have friends like you!

Let me explain what happened to me the last two/three weeks, seven phases:

(1) Prelude: feeling like an old shoe (of Luke).

(2) The Opening: BAMMM !!

(3) Winter: Freezing & Shivering

(4) Summer: Burning & Shaking

(5) Autumn: Leaking like an old colander

(6) Spring: Relief …

(7) Epilogue: Warming myself on your Sweet Wishes, Messages and Posts

What can I say? Thank you, from the bottom of my heart .
Joey.

(PSSSS:
- Av, thanks for the bottles of J. Walker, I finished them all;
- William, thanks for the books you brought me, they made me sleep like a baby;
- Jacko, I have used half of  your Secret Oriental Magic Pills; may I keep the remaining ones??;
- Mrs. D: … you know what I want to say.
)

I am ILL, nothing serious, hope to be back soon.

Joey

(no kisses now but I love you all !)

Dear Mister Dalton,
I have admired your musical talent since I was a little boy; I have visited several performances of you and the John Turbo Band with my father (Roy Bean, maybe you know him?). Therefore I dare to ask your advice in a very delicate personal issue, if you don't mind … well, more a delicate family issue, to be precise.
Last Christmas I received a present from my uncles, Kevin and Klein. The two of them have built me a very special guitar, reflecting the personal styles of both Kevin ("futuristic") and Klein ("classic"). I faked to be delighted and I even started to use this guitar during my school performances but ...

It only has two strings!  Please can you advise me about the musical numbers that I could play with this instrument (preferably the more modern ones, say, the ones composed after Roy Orbinson died). I have hesitated to phone you (I have bought your number on EBay) but I am becoming deaf in both ears lately, so please reply via email or letter. Thank you so much!

Brian "Sweaty" Bean.

Dear Brian, I advise you to sell this "guitar" on Ebay and buy yourself a decent one with more strings.
Joey.

Friends, this morning I was smoking my second cigarette and browsing through my picture collection, staring at the following two photos:

 

My mind made a super-fast and secret association and I started to cry … and cry … and cry … ; I kept crying and crying until my sweet wife took me in her arms and kissed away my grief.

Now, four hours and twelve cigarettes later, I know why this has happened; these pictures reminded me on a movie titled "What Dreams May Come" starring Robin Williams and Annabella Sciora. I have seen this movie many years ago but, I must confess, it has made a deep impression on me. Even know, when I write this text, I feel the tears popping up in the corners of my eyes. Call me a sentimental guy, I am, I know, but I would like to keep it that way.

Hugs & Kisses,
Joey

(giving my deep and sincere compliments to Robin Williams, one of the greatest living actors today; I take off my hat for you, Robin)

Behold and shiver! Barricade your houses and protect your spouse, grand parents and coin collections. The Penguins are coming and now they are really MAD on human species! Humans who destroyed their home country, Humans who caught all the fishes and Humans who polluted all the oceans. This time it's serious.

May The Force Be With Us!
Joey